The Sport of Golf? A Few Suggested Tweaks

Robert Allenby of Australia hits out of the bunker on the 17th green during the third round of the Sony Open golf tournament at Waialae Country Club in Honolulu, Hawaii.I love how golfers pretend that they are athletes. Sure, they talk a good shtick about their frustrations and tribulations, but then they travel around the golf course in carts. When they get to their ball, which is resting on freshly cut grass in a plot of land designed to be relaxing, they have caddies carry their clubs over and even suggest which club to use. And if the ball goes in the water, they just get a new ball. This is a sport?

GolferAssuming the average par is 4, and one putt per hole, then they only swing their clubs 54 times per entire round (not including all the impressive, thoughtful and macho looking practice swings before actually hitting the ball). Please, tell me what is athletic about this game. It’s a game that old people play. Do golfers want to be athletic about it? How about they carry their own fucking clubs and jog the course. Maybe at the beginning of each hole, the golfers can fight it out to see who goes first. Of course, knowing them, they would make their caddies do the fighting.

hiking-trail-huashan-mountain-china-1Here is an idea: Someone should make a golf course in the Himalayas or the Sahara or a swamp. If the golfers are going to be pussies about the rest of the game, the least they could do is fight the elements. If the golfers can keep from falling down a ravine or avoid a 100 foot deep desert sand trap, then I might be interested in watching. If they can battle Antarctic winds or even find their ball in a snow drift, that would be something.  Maybe if they had to hack their ball out of a forest or battle alligators in a Louisiana swamp, I would have some respect for them. In the meantime, what else is on TV? Oh, Caddyshack!

Par 3 - Alligators

Sand Dune

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