I never used to believe in past lives, but that has now changed. Clearly I did something wrong in a past life and its coming back to haunt me. Do you know how I know? Everywhere I go I see a Kardashian. It’s terrible! In the grocery store, in the pharmacy, on tv, on the internet, they are everywhere! I don’t know what I did, but it must have been really bad. What did I do lord? What did I do? They are all over the fricking place. I am deluged by the Kardashians. These people don’t even do anything except get pictures taken of them doing nothing. Even Paris Hilton has a career. Kourtney is wearing this, Khloe is wearing that, Kim is divorcing whoever. I even know their fricking names! Please oh heavenly father, tell me what I did. I’m begging you.
The Kardashians weren’t just inflicted upon me though. They even corrupted a United States Olympian. Bruce Jenner, this guy won the Decathlon, had his photos on cereal boxes, was an American icon and now he wants to be a woman. Poor Bruce. The Kardashians are evil, they are destroying the world and they are here because of something I did. I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry god. I’m so sorry!