The Adventures of Princess

Princess and a male friend walk into a coffee shop:
Princess: I don’t have enough. Do you have 50 cents?
Friend:  Sure.  Actually all I have is a five.
Princess takes his five, pays with it, gets a dollar change and drops the dollar into the tip jar.


Princess is on a 1st date:
Waiter: Would you like something to drink?
Princess to Date: Buy me a glass of Roederer?
Waiter: We only sell that by the bottle.  It’s $450
Princess to Date: That sounds like fun, right?


Princess to friend: I’m so pissed off at my friend Dan.  He’s late wiring money in my account so I can go to the spa for the weekend.


Princess: I’m so jealous of my friend Lauren.
Friend: Why?
Princess: She’s brilliant.  She has an undergraduate degree plus two graduate degrees and she doesn’t have to work.
Friend: How does she survive?
Princess:  She sells her eggs.


Princess has a doctor’s appointment in an hour and is yelling at an ex-boyfriend, Steve, about how he is late sending her money for rent.  She slams the phone down and it rings.  She picks up and it’s her girlfriend Maggy.  Princess tells her, “I’m so stressed! Forget the doctor’s appointment that you were going to drive me to…..I need a mani-pedi right now!”


Princess and friend are standing on the corner waiting for the light to turn green.  Princess is late for her massage and feeling frustrated.  She grabs her friend’s arm and walks out into the intersection to cross the street.  Her friend pulls loose, yells at her “What are you doing>?” and she turns and looks at him.  He says, “Have you been drinking?”  She says, “C’mon, a couple of guys once told me I have an ass that can stop traffic.”  He says, “You went to an Ivy League school!  What are you, crazy?”  She laughs, “Its a nice part of town.  It’ll be fine, come on, I’m in a hurry.”


Princess is trying to cheer up a friend who is having trouble finding a job.  She says, “Its all about a positive attitude and the law of attraction.  Imagine and focus on what you want, and the universe will bring it to you.  Look at me, I live in an expensive apartment in the nicest part of town.  It took a lot of work and keeping my focus but I earned it.”  Her friend says, “Earned it?!!!  You don’t work!  You find emotionally weak guys with money and somehow talk them into giving it to you.  I’m actually amazed you aren’t sleeping with most of them.”  Princess says, “Hey, it took a lot of work to get to this point.  I earned it.”


Princess to friend: I don’t think I can be friends with Ted anymore.
Friend: Why not?
Princess: He said he won’t pay my rent anymore.
Friend: (silence)
Princess: Actually he said he can’t pay my rent because his trust fund is running low, but I’m sick of him anyway.  He’s been getting on my nerves.  Think I’ll call Peter.


Princess on the phone to Peter:  Listen I got invited to 3 galas this weekend, can you give me the money for the tickets?  Relax, they are for charity, you can write it off.  You want to go to one?  Great.  Oh, and I’ll need money for 3 dresses.  Listen, I’m hungry, why don’t you take me to dinner at that new sushi place and you can give me the money then.



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