The Interview

So Andrea, how did the interview go?

Well to start, as I got about 3 blocks from there, I stepped in dog shit.


Yeah.  I stopped in at a coffee shop and wiped it off there.  So then, a few minutes into the interview the crappy recruiter told me they weren’t going to hire the position until Q4.

What?! But its April?!

I know.

That’s at least six months out!

I know.

Why did they ask you to come in at all?

I don’t know.  So I figured what the hell, everything is a networking opportunity.  Then they told me that the VP I was supposed to meet had to go out of town but they had someone else lined up to speak with me.  It turned out to be a kid in marketing fresh out of college.

What the fuck!?!

Yeah. He had no idea what he was doing.  In fact now that I think about it, I think they just wanted me to come in to let some people practice interviewing.  So I ended up teaching him some things about marketing and about interviewing.  Then they had me go talk to the HR Manager who was a total fucking idiot.  I was fuming inside and I was about to go off on her for wasting my time but then I noticed a smell.


Apparently I hadn’t totally removed all the dog shit from my shoe.

Oh no!

Yeah. So after a couple of wasted hours and some good will, no one there will probably ever want to talk to me again.  In fact, they are probably all laughing at me this very moment and telling their friends what an idiot I am.

So I left and it was raining and I found a puddle and sloshed my shoe around in it until it was clean.  Then I went to the nearest bar.  As I was having a drink, I could smell the dog shit again and so could the bartender who then kicked me out.  I didn’t have my umbrella because the weatherman said it would be sunny and couldn’t find a cab so I got soaked on the way home and ruined my suit.

When I got to my building, I realized that there was some dog stuff on my other shoe.  I swear it wasn’t there before; I must have stepped in a different pile somewhere.  So now, with the rain, what was on my shoe had soaked through and I now had it on my feet….and my shoes were drenched and ruined too.

You know, I saw a documentary on evolution which stated that one of the reasons humans stand upright is due to paths and not having to watch every step.  Thanks to dogs and irresponsible owners, we are all going to have to start watching every step again and soon the entire human race could be re-hunched over.

So I took my shoes off in the hall and left them outside my place.  The neighbors smelled it and knew it was me as I had left my shoes in the hall.  So they complained and I have to pay to clean the hallway now.  I was so worn out after all this that I forgot to take precautions with my wet, soiled feet when I entered my place and, yes, I tracked my dog shit smelling feet through the condo.  I don’t even want to clean my carpet; I’m getting it replaced.

The only thing that went right today is that I took a shower after that and not a bath.  How was your day?

This entry was posted in Dialog-y, Stories & Creative Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Interview

  1. Julie. B says:

    That had me lol hahahaha. Isn’t interviewing just shitty!!!

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