8 / 7 Central – C’mon. Just Be Yourself

US Time ZonesI saw a commercial the other day for a TV show and it stated that the show starts at 8 / 7 Central. So everyone sees the show at 8 except for the Central Time people who essentially see the TV shows at the same moment that the East Coasters do.

Why?

What is wrong with the Central Time people? Are they insecure? Gotta pretend to be East Coasters? You don’t see the Mountain Time people changing their schedule or the Pacific Time people changing their schedule. Is it really that important to you Central Timers to start your TV watching at East Coast hours? I guess you want to be East Coast Time People when you grow up? Just accept the fact that you aren’t East Coasters. Be yourself. It’s ok.

Maybe Congress should pass a law forcing the entire Central time population to go see therapists so we can get past this. Of course, the therapists in Central Time are also Central Time people so the law should require that the therapists to be used should have to be outside central time. Hey, that would really boost the economy wouldn’t it? Everyone has to go see a therapist and they have to travel out of state to do it. Why not? They are forcing us to buy health insurance with no price regulations on it, right? Why not force us to see therapists too and then force us to travel to other states?

Hey, let’s see who is in Central Time. I see big ‘ol Texas. Wow, for all the yappin they do trying to get everyone to think they are important and to follow their lead, I am surprised they watch TV with the East Coasters. And if you look at the map, they are on the Mountain Time zone side. What, they can’t watch on Mountain Time? I know, they would like to call it all Texas Time right? The thing is, no they don’t. They say that on the outside but on the inside they are so happy to follow the East Coast lead. And of course, they drag their buddies from Oklahoma, Arkansas Mississippi and Alabama with them. Those states will blindly do anything that Texas says. They are like the receivers in their little bondage couplings. Just what they receive, I don’t want to get into (pun intended).

I see Memphis is in this insecure grouping too. Not surprising. They like to boast about themselves as much as Texas. Methinks thou doth protest too much. Same goes for “N’orlans.”

I lived in Boston for a while and I would categorize them similarly but they are so far into the Eastern time zone, that they avoid this TV grouping. I just say this though because I noticed Bostonians to be so caught up with comparing themselves to New York, it got old after a while. However, since the curse of the Bambino has been lifted, maybe they will finally start believing more in themselves. After all, they have a lot to offer and our country started there. Boston is a tough place to live though and the people are tough.  Its probably due to the harsh weather.  I am convinced that if the Mayflower landed in California, we would still be a bunch of British colonies.

I am a little surprised to see Chicago in this Central Time list. In general, Chicago seems to have their own thing going; a good sense of self. In fact, if you look at the map, they even drag parts of the surrounding East Coast states into their insecure TV watching hours. I guess deep down, they just want to be in the East Coast.

Red and Blue StatesHere is an interesting fact: If you look at the map of political party support, you will see that the Republicans dominate in the Central Time Zone. Maybe that is why Republicans are so mean and angry…They don’t like watching TV on someone else’s time. Its a psychological reaction of being forced into something, which ironically, they then want to do to everybody else. Maybe getting that time zone on their own TV viewing time will fix Middle USA.

Bottom line, this 8/7 Central kind of thing is what’s ruining America.  How about the TV networks stop coddling and reinforcing these Mountain Time people insecurities and get them on their own TV time. Maybe we can avoid the forced therapy after all and people will start believing in themselves more. Maybe letting the Central Time people be themselves, will help heal our country. Amazing, all our problems in America come down to the TV viewing hours dictated to the Central Time Zone. Well, this has been an interesting sociological study on what started out as a comedic vent.

 

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Creative Use of Technology

Transporter PadScientists are working on developing teleportation, the idea from Star Trek where people can be “beamed” from the spaceship to the planet surface or anywhere else. Instead of sitting in traffic, you could avoid it all and beam yourself to work. Instead of driving to the airport and going through the huge hassle that is, beaming yourself overseas would just take a few seconds. Avoiding travel time and the stress of travel is great, but I think there is another use for teleportation that would be a huge benefit to especially one sect of our population. Pregnant women. Can you imagine? No more long, painful births filled with blood loss, massive doses of anesthetic that can be harmful to the mother and the child, not to mention horrible muscle contractions, tearing of all sorts of things and even trauma to the baby. Just get Scotty in the control room, lock on the fetus and …..beam it out.

Update:  Great comment below that I am adding – “If the technology was refined enough maybe we could “beam out” other things such as tumors or shrapnel.”

beam me out

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The Dalai Lama, Reincarnation and a Question

Dalai Lama from his websiteI am not big on religion or the belief of supernatural beings, especially ones that claim to inhabit human bodies.  I will admit though that the Dalai Lama seems like a nice guy with good values.  His first priority in life is stated to be promotion of values such as compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment and self-discipline.  In contrast to most world or religious leaders, I would like to meet him some day.

The organization claims he is the reincarnation from the previous Dalai Lama who was the reincarnation of that previous Dalai Lama, and so on and so on.  As stated on his website (and he has a Twitter account too), the Dalai Lamas are believed to be manifestations of enlightened beings of compassion and the patron saint of Tibet.  They are also believed to be beings who have postponed their own nirvana and chosen to take rebirth in order to serve humanity.  I don’t know how anyone could prove this, but OK.

By the Himalayan tradition, “phowa” is the discipline that transfers the mind stream from the deceased to the intended body.  Upon the death of the Dalai Lama and consultation with the Nechung Oracle, a search for the Lama’s reincarnation is conducted.  High Lamas scour the country of Tibet, if not the world, to find the reincarnation.  This search can take years.  The search for the present Dalai Lama took four years.  My question is, when this Dalai Lama dies and the reincarnation grows up, will he know the password to the official Dalai Lama Twitter account?

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Apparently, I was Evil in a Past Life

Good Evil SignI never used to believe in past lives, but that has now changed. Clearly I did something wrong in a past life and its coming back to haunt me.  Do you know how I know?  Everywhere I go I see a Kardashian.  It’s terrible!  In the grocery store, in the pharmacy, on tv, on the internet, they are everywhere!  I don’t know what I did, but it must have been really bad.  What did I do lord?  What did I do?  They are all over the fricking place.  I am deluged by the Kardashians.  These people don’t even do anything except get pictures taken of them doing nothing.  Even Paris Hilton has a career.  Kourtney is wearing this, Khloe is wearing that, Kim is divorcing whoever.  I even know their fricking names!  Please oh heavenly father, tell me what I did.  I’m begging you.

The Kardashians weren’t just inflicted upon me though.  They even corrupted a United States Olympian.  Bruce Jenner, this guy won the Decathlon, had his photos on cereal boxes, was an American icon and now he wants to be a woman.  Poor Bruce.  The Kardashians are evil, they are destroying the world and they are here because of something I did.  I’m sorry everyone.  I’m sorry god.  I’m so sorry!

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Star Party

I went to a star party last night.  Whats that?  Its a bunch of people hanging around in a parking lot, in the dark, looking at stars.  Its more fun than it sounds.  The organizer had a green laser that he used to point out stars and constellations.  The greatest thing is, the location was on top of a mountain and we could see the Milky Way Galaxy without a telescope.  That was the first time I saw the Milky Way; its generally impossible to see in a populated area as the light pollution drowns it out.  Seeing something so huge it stretches across the entire sky is quite overwhelming.  Knowing it is 100,000 light years across and houses maybe 300 billion stars (most of which probably have planets too) is even more awesome.  Mars and Saturn were clearly noticeable also.  All this stuff in the sky can be located on the iPhone app I use called Sky Guide (http://fifthstarlabs.com/).  Best two dollars I ever spent.  Also that night, we saw the International Space Station fly overhead.  You can know when it goes overhead by going to this NASA site (http://spotthestation.nasa.gov/sightings/).  On the way up the mountain, I stopped to take these photos above the fog that constantly makes San Francisco gray only 10 miles away.  If you click on them, the photos have great detail.

Sunset Near the Top of Mt. Tamalpais 9-27-2014

Sunset Near the Top of Mt. Tamalpais 9-27-2014

View from Mt Tam 8-2-2014

View from Mt Tam 8-2-2014

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Google’s Driver-less Car (my opinion)

Google Car 640x426Google is now in the process of making driver-less cars.  It has been reported that these cars don’t have steering wheels or brakes but they do have a panic button.  Yes, its true.  That makes sense; why would we need an option of steering or braking?  I’m sure nothing could ever malfunction, right?  I’m sure this thing will be the first device in human history to work exactly as planned and never break down in any way.  Yeah.  So…..when something does malfunction or someone bumps me on the highway and I am spinning in circles or careening out of control into oncoming traffic, with rivers of sweat streaming down my face, I guess Google thinks the best option would be to panic helplessly and press a button instead of doing something to save my own life and keep me from driving over the cliff.  Does the car also have a black box?  That way, when they recover my body, they can check the recording and hear me screaming and crying.  Then they will look at the data and say, “But look, he properly utilized the panic button.” And of course, it’s probably a button like at crosswalks….you know….they don’t actually do anything.

Maybe Google’s way of fixing car problems will be like their website update process.  They won’t ever talk to anyone.  They will just gather lots of data from the (in the case of the car) panic button black box, and then figure out what alterations to make to the driving algorithms in the future.  For example, if a high percentage of people hit the panic button as their cars are spinning in circles on the wet highway, then that will be something Google looks into fixing first.  If a low percentage of people hit the panic button because, lets guess, that the car might be perpendicular parking itself instead of parallel parking itself, then that malfunction’s fix will be put off until the panic button frequency increases to a higher level.  Of course, not many people will hit the panic button for perpendicular parking, so it could be a long time until that issue is fixed, unless the cars all suddenly decide to randomly perpendicular park on the freeway.  If that happens, I think the panic button will come in very handy as opposed to a steering wheel.

Speaking of one’s demise, I’ll never know about mine, since I won’t even know about any panic button usage issues as I will be sleeping off a drunken night out as the car takes me home.  Can the police arrest you for drunk driving if the car is doing the driving and you are sleeping?  Maybe the law will require you be awake and sober so you can press the panic button.  Actually, I can’t imagine ever NOT napping while the car takes you from place to place.

I also read that there is a spinning device on the roof that is a laser range finder.  This made me wonder, if a bird craps on the laser range finder, do you wake up in Mexico?  I guess that’s the other use for the panic button.  Lastly, I wonder if, being a Google car, the car takes you via the directions that Google Maps gives it?  So it will take the highway that’s 20 miles out of the way, make you drive down the most crowded roads, and wind you through the most dangerous neighborhoods surrounded by drug dealers and gang members while you sleep.  I can’t wait for this new technology.

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Dino Thoughts (not my thoughts, theirs)

newly found dinoI’m into science and as I was watching a TV show about dinosaurs recently, I imagined what it must have really been like to live then. What an existence the dinosaurs had; all day long….eat or be eaten. It made me think, I wonder if dinosaurs ever woke up, took a breath of fresh air and thought, “What a great day! The sun is shining, the pterodactyls are singing. I’m so happy to be alive.” If they did, I bet they were California dinosaurs. The Tyrannosaurus Californicus. A mostly vegetarian dinosaur but they would eat anything who didn’t subscribe to their political viewpoints.  They also had long arms with which to hug trees, and a rainbow emanating from their ass. Actually, the rainbow is a leading theory of mine, along the lines of the known theory of colored feathers on some dinosaurs.  Scientists though have yet to actually discover a fossil with a rainbow emanating from anywhere or an anatomical clue that one could even be produced.

I just read an article stating that some small dinosaurs apparently had tail feathers and may have used them as part of a mating dance. Now, I’m a big advocate of funding Triceratopsscience and more scientific research going on, but I would like to know how those scientists think they discovered that part about the mating dance. Maybe the dinosaurs they found were also wearing tight pants and sequined shirts. Reading this article did made me wonder what other dinosaurs did as a precursor to mating. stegosaurusDid the Tyrannosaurus Rex do a chest bump with his buddies before going to the dino bar to seek a potential mate? Did the Triceratops, the one with 3 big horns on its head, do an acrobatic horn stand to impress the ladies? Did the Stegosaurus, the one with the large, bony fins up and downBrachiosauraus its back, do a fin dance or a fin “wave” while purring like a kitten? That would be cool huh? Did the Brachiosaurus, the huge dinosaurs with the long neck and tail, do a seductive belly dance or neck snake dance?  The Velociraptors were a nasty, aggressive bunch.  Maybe they were into S & M.Velociraptors

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