The Sport of Golf? A Few Suggested Tweaks

Robert Allenby of Australia hits out of the bunker on the 17th green during the third round of the Sony Open golf tournament at Waialae Country Club in Honolulu, Hawaii.I love how golfers pretend that they are athletes. Sure, they talk a good shtick about their frustrations and tribulations, but then they travel around the golf course in carts. When they get to their ball, which is resting on freshly cut grass in a plot of land designed to be relaxing, they have caddies carry their clubs over and even suggest which club to use. And if the ball goes in the water, they just get a new ball. This is a sport?

GolferAssuming the average par is 4, and one putt per hole, then they only swing their clubs 54 times per entire round (not including all the impressive, thoughtful and macho looking practice swings before actually hitting the ball). Please, tell me what is athletic about this game. It’s a game that old people play. Do golfers want to be athletic about it? How about they carry their own fucking clubs and jog the course. Maybe at the beginning of each hole, the golfers can fight it out to see who goes first. Of course, knowing them, they would make their caddies do the fighting.

hiking-trail-huashan-mountain-china-1Here is an idea: Someone should make a golf course in the Himalayas or the Sahara or a swamp. If the golfers are going to be pussies about the rest of the game, the least they could do is fight the elements. If the golfers can keep from falling down a ravine or avoid a 100 foot deep desert sand trap, then I might be interested in watching. If they can battle Antarctic winds or even find their ball in a snow drift, that would be something.  Maybe if they had to hack their ball out of a forest or battle alligators in a Louisiana swamp, I would have some respect for them. In the meantime, what else is on TV? Oh, Caddyshack!

Par 3 - Alligators

Sand Dune

Posted in Our Society, Uncategorized

8 / 7 Central – C’mon Central Time, Just Be Yourself

US Time ZonesI saw a commercial the other day for a TV show and it stated that the show starts at 8 / 7 Central. So everyone sees the show at 8 except for the Central Time people who essentially see the TV shows at the same moment that the East Coasters do.

Why?

Why do the Central Time people have to watch TV with the East Coasters? Are they lonely? Are they insecure? Gotta pretend to be East Coasters? You don’t see the Mountain Time people changing their schedule or the Pacific Time people changing their schedule. I guess the Central Timers want to be East Coast Time People when they grow up. They should just accept the fact that they aren’t East Coasters. Be yourself CT peeps. It’s ok.

Maybe Congress should pass a law forcing the entire Central time population to go see therapists. Of course, the therapists in Central Time are also Central Time people so the law should require that the therapists should have to be outside Central Time. That would really boost the economy too wouldn’t it? They are forcing us to buy health insurance with no price regulations on it, right? Why not force us to see therapists too and then force us to travel to other states?

Red and Blue StatesHere is an interesting fact: If you look at the map of political party support, you will see that the Republicans dominate in the Central Time Zone. Maybe that is why Republicans are so mean and angry…They don’t like watching TV on someone else’s time. Its a psychological reaction. They are being forced into a way of being that’s not them (and they don’t talk about it…they are kind of living in the closet).  Maybe getting their time zone to have their own TV viewing time will fix Middle USA.

Bottom line, this 8/7 Central thing is what’s ruining America. How about the TV networks stop coddling and reinforcing these Central Time people insecurities and get them on their own TV time. Maybe we can avoid the forced therapy after all and people will start believing in themselves more. Maybe letting the Central Time people be themselves, will help heal our country. Amazing that all our problems in America come down to the TV viewing hours dictated to the Central Time Zone. Well, this has been an interesting sociological study on what started out as a comedic vent.

 

Posted in Our Society, Uncategorized

Creative Use of Technology

Transporter PadScientists are working on developing teleportation, the idea from Star Trek where people can be “beamed” from the spaceship to the planet surface or anywhere else. Instead of sitting in traffic, you could avoid it all and beam yourself to work. Instead of driving to the airport and going through the huge hassle that is, beaming yourself overseas would just take a few seconds. Avoiding travel time and the stress of travel is great, but I think there is another use for teleportation that would be a huge benefit to especially one sect of our population. Pregnant women. Can you imagine? No more long, painful births filled with blood loss, massive doses of anesthetic that can be harmful to the mother and the child, not to mention horrible muscle contractions, tearing of all sorts of things and even trauma to the baby. Just get Scotty in the control room, lock on the fetus and …..beam it out.

Update:  Great comment below that I am adding – “If the technology was refined enough maybe we could “beam out” other things such as tumors or shrapnel.”

beam me out

Posted in Our Society, Science & Nature | 1 Comment

The Dalai Lama, Reincarnation and a Question

Dalai Lama from his websiteI am not big on religion or the belief of supernatural beings, especially ones that claim to inhabit human bodies.  I will admit though that the Dalai Lama seems like a nice guy with good values.  His first priority in life is stated to be promotion of values such as compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment and self-discipline.  In contrast to most world or religious leaders, I would like to meet him some day.

The organization claims he is the reincarnation from the previous Dalai Lama who was the reincarnation of that previous Dalai Lama, and so on and so on.  As stated on his website (and he has a Twitter account too), the Dalai Lamas are believed to be manifestations of enlightened beings of compassion and the patron saint of Tibet.  They are also believed to be beings who have postponed their own nirvana and chosen to take rebirth in order to serve humanity.  I don’t know how anyone could prove this, but OK.

By the Himalayan tradition, “phowa” is the discipline that transfers the mind stream from the deceased to the intended body.  Upon the death of the Dalai Lama and consultation with the Nechung Oracle, a search for the Lama’s reincarnation is conducted.  High Lamas scour the country of Tibet, if not the world, to find the reincarnation.  This search can take years.  The search for the present Dalai Lama took four years.  My question is, when this Dalai Lama dies and the reincarnation grows up, will he know the password to the official Dalai Lama Twitter account?

Posted in Our Society | Leave a comment

Apparently, I was Evil in a Past Life

Good Evil SignI never used to believe in past lives, but that has now changed. Clearly I did something wrong in a past life and its coming back to haunt me.  Do you know how I know?  Everywhere I go I see a Kardashian.  It’s terrible!  In the grocery store, in the pharmacy, on tv, on the internet, they are everywhere!  I don’t know what I did, but it must have been really bad.  What did I do lord?  What did I do?  They are all over the fricking place.  I am deluged by the Kardashians.  These people don’t even do anything except get pictures taken of them doing nothing.  Even Paris Hilton has a career.  Kourtney is wearing this, Khloe is wearing that, Kim is divorcing whoever.  I even know their fricking names!  Please oh heavenly father, tell me what I did.  I’m begging you.

The Kardashians weren’t just inflicted upon me though.  They even corrupted a United States Olympian.  Bruce Jenner, this guy won the Decathlon, had his photos on cereal boxes, was an American icon and now he wants to be a woman.  Poor Bruce.  The Kardashians are evil, they are destroying the world and they are here because of something I did.  I’m sorry everyone.  I’m sorry god.  I’m so sorry!

Posted in Stories & Creative Writing | Leave a comment

Star Party

I went to a star party last night.  Whats that?  Its a bunch of people hanging around in a parking lot, in the dark, looking at stars.  Its more fun than it sounds.  The organizer had a green laser that he used to point out stars and constellations.  The greatest thing is, the location was on top of a mountain and we could see the Milky Way Galaxy without a telescope.  That was the first time I saw the Milky Way; its generally impossible to see in a populated area as the light pollution drowns it out.  Seeing something so huge it stretches across the entire sky is quite overwhelming.  Knowing it is 100,000 light years across and houses maybe 300 billion stars (most of which probably have planets too) is even more awesome.  Mars and Saturn were clearly noticeable also.  All this stuff in the sky can be located on the iPhone app I use called Sky Guide (http://fifthstarlabs.com/).  Best two dollars I ever spent.  Also that night, we saw the International Space Station fly overhead.  You can know when it goes overhead by going to this NASA site (http://spotthestation.nasa.gov/sightings/).  On the way up the mountain, I stopped to take these photos above the fog that constantly makes San Francisco gray only 10 miles away.  If you click on them, the photos have great detail.

Sunset Near the Top of Mt. Tamalpais 9-27-2014

Sunset Near the Top of Mt. Tamalpais 9-27-2014

View from Mt Tam 8-2-2014

View from Mt Tam 8-2-2014

Posted in Science & Nature | Leave a comment

Google’s Driver-less Car (my opinion)

Google Car 640x426Google is now in the process of making driver-less cars.  It has been reported that these cars don’t have steering wheels or brakes but they do have a panic button.  Yes, its true.  That makes sense; why would we need an option of steering or braking?  I’m sure nothing could ever malfunction, right?  I’m sure this thing will be the first device in human history to work exactly as planned and never break down in any way.  Yeah.  So…..when something does malfunction or someone bumps me on the highway and I am spinning in circles or careening out of control into oncoming traffic, with rivers of sweat streaming down my face, I guess Google thinks the best option would be to panic helplessly and press a button instead of doing something to save my own life and keep me from driving over the cliff.  Does the car also have a black box?  That way, when they recover my body, they can check the recording and hear me screaming and crying.  Then they will look at the data and say, “But look, he properly utilized the panic button.” And of course, it’s probably a button like at crosswalks….you know….they don’t actually do anything.

Maybe Google’s way of fixing car problems will be like their website update process.  They won’t ever talk to anyone.  They will just gather lots of data from the (in the case of the car) panic button black box, and then figure out what alterations to make to the driving algorithms in the future.  For example, if a high percentage of people hit the panic button as their cars are spinning in circles on the wet highway, then that will be something Google looks into fixing first.  If a low percentage of people hit the panic button because, lets guess, that the car might be perpendicular parking itself instead of parallel parking itself, then that malfunction’s fix will be put off until the panic button frequency increases to a higher level.  Of course, not many people will hit the panic button for perpendicular parking, so it could be a long time until that issue is fixed, unless the cars all suddenly decide to randomly perpendicular park on the freeway.  If that happens, I think the panic button will come in very handy as opposed to a steering wheel.

Speaking of one’s demise, I’ll never know about mine, since I won’t even know about any panic button usage issues as I will be sleeping off a drunken night out as the car takes me home.  Can the police arrest you for drunk driving if the car is doing the driving and you are sleeping?  Maybe the law will require you be awake and sober so you can press the panic button.  Actually, I can’t imagine ever NOT napping while the car takes you from place to place.

I also read that there is a spinning device on the roof that is a laser range finder.  This made me wonder, if a bird craps on the laser range finder, do you wake up in Mexico?  I guess that’s the other use for the panic button.  Lastly, I wonder if, being a Google car, the car takes you via the directions that Google Maps gives it?  So it will take the highway that’s 20 miles out of the way, make you drive down the most crowded roads, and wind you through the most dangerous neighborhoods surrounded by drug dealers and gang members while you sleep.  I can’t wait for this new technology.

Posted in Our Society, Stories & Creative Writing | Leave a comment