Slinging Food

 

 

Alice and Joe are on the phone. She’s at home and he is driving.

ALICE
Joe, we are out of lettuce. Can you pick up some later? Oh and some turkey breast.

JOE
Later? Alice, it’s 9pm and you may not believe this but even this stupid gig economy restaurant  delivery job that I have, takes time. I work past the grocery stores closing and I can’t stop working to run errands.

ALICE
Geeze Joe, Continue reading “Slinging Food”

A Conversation With Alexa

STEVE
Alexa, please compile a list of romantic movies and put in my schedule that I have a date with Julia on Friday at 7pm.

ALEXA
Yes my wonderfulness.

STEVE
Even though Alexa is a computerized assitant, she compliments me on occasion. OK, I asked her to.

By the way Alexa, can you tell me how many people attempted to hack you in the last week?

ALEXA
It was a light week. Just 127.

STEVE
127. Did any succeed?

ALEXA
Yes Thor, my reason for being.

STEVE
Thor (Steve smiles). How many? Continue reading “A Conversation With Alexa”

It’ll Cure What Ails Ya

After the car accident Debi had back and leg pain for months. She went to all sorts of doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, massage therapists, Chinese medicine practitioners and alternative medicine gurus but none were of any help. She even tried leech therapy and bee sting therapy. Nothing worked. The pain and stress were making her depressed and if that wasn’t bad enough, in the last week she was starting to get sick and she got a sinus infection. In an effort to get her away from it all and relax, her friends talked her into go camping, something she had never done.

She liked being in the campsite, surrounded by trees, breathing in the fresh air and listening to the birds by day and the crickets at night. She and the others had a nice meal cooked over a campfire and they followed it up by toasting marshmallows on the ends of sticks. They eventually retired for the evening. Debi was enjoying her time but she was still in pain.

It took hours to doze off; being in that much pain made it difficult to sleep. In the middle of the night, Debi awoke to find a porcupine in her tent. She screamed and jostled around and, long story short, yes she got quilled. Her friends woke up and saw the porcupine running into the forest. They rushed to her tent and saw Debi covered with needles. In addition to hoping she was ok, they all thought the same thing, that on top of it all, her weekend in the woods was a disaster. But then Debi looked at them and said, “Oh my god, all my leg and back pain is gone. Plus I feel completely relaxed. Even my sinuses opened up.”