Quotes – 6 – Yes, I like quotes

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly – Robert F. Kennedy

The mark of a mature man is one that he realizes he cannot control his circumstances, he can only control his response – Frasier

The cosmos is within us.  We are made of star stuff.  We are a way for the cosmos to know itself. – Carl Sagan

We are all made of star stuff. That being true, how is it that we can’t see how we are all related? – Neil deGrasse Tyson

You don’t get to choose how you are going to die, or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live. – Joan Baez

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them – Albert Einstein

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.  Act like it.

December 14th only comes once a year so we celebrate it – Lovey Howell

We are going to the spa; it will get the toxins out. – Betty Suarez
I like my toxins…..with two olives. – Claire Meade

Honesty is a very expensive gift.  Do not expect it from cheap people – Warren Buffet

Waiting for someone else to say “I love you” first, doesn’t mean you are more powerful.  It just means you are afraid.

H=S-F : Happiness equals Smiles minus Frowns – Steve Wozniak

Niles Crane: Fasten your seatbelt Daphne
Daphne Moon: Fasten yours Niles
— from Frasier

I don’t know what you did to that girl… but it was bound to happen the way you carry on.  Live now, pay later.  Diner’s Club.  Why don’t you grow up. – Dr. Dreyfuss, The Apartment

If you’re going through hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

I think most people, in the course of their lives, are afraid to truly break the 4th wall. Self-containment does not make one strong.  It only contains them. – Jon Marcus

It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. – Oscar Wilde

But why, some say, the Moon? – JFK

You can’t fit in and stand out at the same time

The inability to forge lasting relationships has its roots in child / parental trauma – Frasier (and probably many others but I heard it on Frasier)

Republicans are pro-life, until your actually born – Ellen Barkin

Republicans require a constant regeneration of the low-income working poor in order to make their vision of the US function.

When life gives you lemons, yell “Screw you, lemons!” – Donna Nicholson

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana – Neil deGrasse Tyson

You are not biased any time you ever speak the truth – Neil deGrasse Tyson

Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.

I have generally found that when someone accuses another of being judgmental, the person doing the accusing is actually the judgmental one.

What we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame but something wild to run with – Robert Brault

 

 

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What Valentine’s Day Does To Us

Valentine WindupIt sounds like a heartwarming idea on the surface…a day to express your love.  On Valentine’s Day, I took a walk around the city and watched the activity.  At a flower stand, two guys were talking and laughing about how they were buying their women the same pre-made flower arrangement.  When one of them left, he walked over to a car, where his girlfriend was literally in the divers seat, showed her the flowers, she slightly smiled and they drove off.

Conan O’Brien tweeted on Valentine’s Day what the comic reality is, “A survey found that, on Valentine’s Day, men spend $87.00 more than women. I.e., a survey found that, on Valentine’s Day, men spend $87.00.”

Let’s be honest, if a corporation has to tell you when or how to express your love for someone, then you don’t have love; you are giving a bribe.  What that guy from the first paragraph was telling his girlfriend was essentially, “Here are some flowers as a token of appreciation for letting me touch you and screw you on a regular basis.”  Her response was of course, “Thank you.  You have done your duty.  I don’t view myself as a whore so I won’t exchange any physical affection at this moment but as a reward, instead of looking around for someone else, I will temporarily let this pattern continue…. of course not right now.”

Why is this holiday insidious?  Because it makes people feel like they have to conform to an institution’s suggested rituals to keep the (pseudo) love going?  Because they mindlessly follow their instructions, like sheep?  Because in doing so they lose sight of the reality or existence of true emotions and lose sight of their instincts to recognize if the other person even likes them?  Because both men and women brainwash themselves into thinking that the exchange of gifts for affection is the way it should be?  There’s more.

Take a guess where Valentine’s Day started?  Take a guess.  Believe it or not, while its run by businesses today, it didn’t start there.  What institution on this planet has created another holiday telling people to give gifts in exchange for emotion?  That’s right, the church.  The same people that imposed Christmas on the world which is a holiday that does the same thing.  Christmas, another holiday that has come down to people spending money in exchange for love and friendship.  In a way, this is actually quite comedic since churches scorn prostitution but create these rituals which essentially follow the same patterns.

We try to justify it all by saying that these holidays boost the economy so much, that they actually save the economy and thus our society.  But that justification is the same that a drug addict says to themself about needing more drugs.  What if the holidays didn’t exist?  Then our economy wouldn’t have adjusted to require these large boosts.  The economy would have been more stable and uniform throughout the year, so people would have adjusted to that stable income level and made it work for themselves and their businesses.  The only thing these holidays do are to get a few people and corporations at the top richer and to achieve that added income, essentially act like a drug to the economy.  Consequently, now without that drug fix, the economy has what it feels are problems.

There is hope though.  I ran into a couple talking about how they don’t subscribe to this holiday either.  The woman told her husband, standing next to her, that she didn’t want flowers or anything.  When I told them it was nice to hear, we conversed and she eventually told me that the trick is to find a woman who also doesn’t want gifts in exchange for affection and won’t subscribe to rules dictated by institutions.  This glimmer of hope for us all is that there are still a few people who can think independently and are secure in themselves.

 

 

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Quotes 5

Nothing is impossible.  The word itself says “I’m Possible.” – Audrey Hepburn

The best way to get even is to forgive and forget. – Linda Fiorentino

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply – Stephen R Covey

The greatest secret to happiness is one word: Gratitude

We can always count on the Americans to do the right thing, after they have exhausted all the other possibilities ― Winston Churchill

Churches are no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind – Thomas Paine

We’re sugar and spice and everything nice; so bite me. – Roseanne Barr

I do love you but even better, I like you

A day is not complete until you’ve made someone else’s – Jasmin Bristow

Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius

If I die without debt, I was doing something wrong – Tammie Baird

People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.

I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. -Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous? – Calvin

Jackie: So when are you going to talk to mom?  Roseanne: When I can do it with a Ouija board.

If people are making fun of you, then you’re probably doing something right – Amy Lee

Calvin: You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last minute panic

I thank god for tv and movies.  Without them I would have grown up to be exactly like my parents – Jon Marcus

The best things in life come from not playing it safe – Robin Williams in The Crazy Ones

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly – Mae West

A party without cake is just a meeting – Julia Child

Words without actions are empty and meaningless

Karaoke bar; great idea.  Cause so often when I’m listening to Sinatra, I’m thinking, wouldn’t it be great if I could just take Sinatra’s voice out and replace it with the off-key yowling of some drunk? – Becker

Never underestimate the power of denial – American Beauty

Criticize by creating – Michelangelo

It doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. – Lucille Ball

In an ugly and unhappy world, the richest man can purchase nothing but ugliness and unhappiness. – George Bernard Shaw

Chocolate is just like sex, I’ve had too much and I still want more – Linda on Becker

Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. Love what you do. Get good at it. And let the chips fall where they may. – Jon Stewart

Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is usually physics – Sophia Nasr

The music is not in the notes, but in the silence in between – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

After two divorces I don’t know if I have another relationship in me.  The daily crap, the compliments, all the garbage you have to remember: Birthdays, the color of her eyes, what she does for a living. – Becker

We Are Living On This Planet As If We Had Another One To Go To – Jen Mehrnoush Zomederis

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing – Aristotle

Don’t judge yourself by your past. You don’t live there anymore – Leah Remini

Morning sex, the best thing in the world that doesn’t have cheese on it – Doug Heffernan, The King of Queens

Science is simply the word we use to describe a method of organizing our curiosity – Tim Minchin

Quiet people have the loudest minds — Stephen Hawking

You’ve lost sight of the purpose of the law; to protect it’s citizens, not persecute them – Commander Adama to special prosecutor – Battlestar Galactica, S1E8 Litmus

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood” – Oscar Wilde

You sold out a long ago.  You are no different than that movie star who let everyone look up her skirt in that film and then did nothing but complain that nobody took her seriously as an actress.  Have you seen that movie?  Maris and I rented the video.  I don’t mind telling you we pushed our beds together that night…and that was no mean feat; her room as you know is across the hall. – Niles Crane

The object isn’t to make art, it’s to be in that wonderful state which makes art inevitable – Robert Henri

 

 

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Changing the Name of Black Friday

People buy on emotion and the underlying emotions of the holiday season are supposed to be happiness and love.  At least that’s what we have been fed.  But “Black Friday?”  No happiness exists in that name and where’s the love?

Let’s usher in a new name like “Green Friday” or “Happy Friday.” Unlike “Black Friday,” Green Friday doesn’t make us think that the stock market has crashed again.  It also doesn’t make us think there is news of a mass shooting.  “Green Friday” is nicer and even institutes one of the two main Christmas colors of red and green, further letting people think of the holidays, happiness and then WANTING to buy presents to give.  Isn’t our world cold enough without more blackness?  Green is even the color of American money.  Yet the retail industry promotes “black.”

“Happy Friday” gives the image and feel that the holidays are here and happiness abounds.  “Happy Friday” makes us look forward to the holiday season and spending time with people.  Happy Friday makes us feel like spreading the love and buying gifts for those we care about.  Yet the retail industry promotes “black.”

Some say the phrase “Black Friday” is from accountants meaning that their accounting books go “from the red into the black” because the retail stores supposedly operate at a loss the rest of the year.  Others say it’s due to the headaches people get from overcrowding and traffic jams that come about as people rush to get discounts that stores give as they kick off the holiday shopping season.  Whatever the case, leave it to the retail industry, which usually complains that holiday shopping numbers aren’t high enough for their businesses’ well-being, to promote such a phrase as Black Friday and to industrialize the feel of the holiday season instead of making people feel like giving more gifts.  Geeze, what would happen if people were coaxed into feeling happy?

No wonder the retail industry sales are, supposedly, always low; they have no imagination with which to market their products effectively.  They don’t realize that people buy everything on emotion.  Even luxury car companies have emotional commercials to get people to buy a very expensive item for a holiday gift.  Green and Happy are more festive than black.  Green and Happy are more appropriate than black.  Green and Happy are nicer than black.  Let’s change the name and start welcoming this Friday instead of dreading it.

 

 

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Good For Business

Good for bizI went to a dermatologist recently.  Nothing serious, just wanted them to look at a few moles; I do that once a year.  Fortunately they are ok.  Have you ever been to a dermatologist?  Next time you go, if you can, watch from the waiting room to see the doctor’s system.  When I watched a dermatologist from the waiting room once, I saw him leave the exam room for one patient, write stuff down in their chart, go into another exam room, come back out, write on that person’s chart, go into the next exam room, etc.  Standard procedure right?  When I was in the exam room, he came in, listened to what I said, checked me out by running his fingers all over my skin, which for some reason is what dermatologists do instead of just looking, and then make his diagnosis.  In my case I had a wart on my neck.  I know….yuck.  So he looked at it, touched it again, got out his can of liquid nitrogen, sprayed it till it froze, told me to come back in a few weeks and then he left.

Do you notice what was missing from that scenario?  HE NEVER WASHED HIS HANDS.  So he ran his fingers all over every other patient before me, with who knows what infections, legions or wounds they might have had, then he ran his fingers over me.  He’s like Typhoid Mary!  Since he didn’t wash his hands in my room, it’s safe to assume he didn’t wash his hands in their rooms either, and remember he also didn’t wash his hands in the hall way.  I have since been to a number of dermatologists and noticed that none of them washed their hands.  I bet I know why too…..it’s good for business.  One told me that he washed his hands but he didn’t do that in front of me and he didn’t wash his hands before he left the room, so I can only assume that is what he always does …..and so he was lying to me.  When he was gone, I washed my hands in the sink in the room but before I turned on the water, noticed that the sink was dry.  Yes, it’s good for business.

Warts are caused by a virus and so that first doctor basically spread the virus from the wart on my neck across the rest of my un-infected neck.  Yes, I got a few more warts a month later.  He said it was because I must have spread them by shaving.  Maybe that is possible, but then why didn’t he tell me not to shave?  I know why….it’s good for business.  However, maybe the virus had already set in first by him running his hands across the wart and then over my un-infected skin.  I asked him about that and he claimed it was shaving, although in the first visit in the previous month he also said that people only get warts by direct contact….. so it could have been him.  His immune system interacts with that stuff all the time so its probably so strong and he is probably basically immune to it all.  Dermatologists are like politicians: they claim if you cant see it (the virus moving as they wipe it across your skin), then they didn’t do it.  Dermatologists are also like lawyers: they mess up everything around them, then charge you to fix it.  Needless to say, I accused him of this and after some arguing and the treat of contacting the medical board, he adjusted his bill for the extra visit….and I never went back to him.

If there is any one branch of medicine that should wash their hands it’s dermatologists.  Although, I think all doctors should wash their hands in front of the patient.  Have you ever seen a doctor wash their hands in front of you?  My new dermatologist has the same habit but now I insist on watching them wash their hands.

 

 

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NSA Apology and Gift to America

Press Release
November 12, 2013

NSA Apologizes and Releases Free AppOfficial_portrait_of_Barack_Obama

Today, the National Security Agency (NSA) apologized to the American people and as a token of sincerity released a free texting app.

The app, which works on all cell phone platforms, is a gift to the American people but works on any phone platform on the planet.  Keith Alexander, Director of the NSA, in a press release, stated, “We at the NSA sincerely realize our mistake and our constitutional faux pas.  As proof of our sincerity, we give to the world this app which anyone can send text messages with.  We hope you will forgive us.”

President Obama followed with, “This is a great day for America.  My heart goes out to the agency for their understanding and correction of this problem.  I’m sure the American people will agree with me and thank them for their thoughtfulness.”

After reading this press release, Senator John McCain and Secretary of State John Kerry, met and gave each other a big hug.  “Our country is finally at peace,” said John Kerry.  John McCain followed with, “Yes it is,” while a tear ran down his cheek.

John Perry Barlow, head of the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF), released a follow up press release that stated, “I guess we can forgive the NSA.  All is once again OK with America.”

Even Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, said, “Thank you NSA.  All is forgiven.”

A White House reception is scheduled for next week for all nation leaders around the world.

 

 

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Thank you for calling

Thank you for calling. We are busy helping other people who were smart enough to call us the minute our business opened.  Of course, they will be waiting for an indefinite amount of time because we dont want to spend our profit helping you whiny pinheads.  However, we are glad you gave us money to buy our product.  Sorry it isn’t working.  Your call is very important to us.  That’s why we aren’t answering your call.  Please leave a detailed message so we can ignore that too or continue to hold.  A representative will be with you….. shortly.

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