Apparently, I was Evil in a Past Life

Good Evil SignI never used to believe in past lives, but that has now changed. Clearly I did something wrong in a past life and now its coming back to haunt me.  Do you know how I know?  Everywhere I go I see a Kardashian.  It’s terrible!  In the grocery store, in the pharmacy, on tv, on the internet, they are everywhere!  I don’t know what I did, but it must have been really bad.  What did I do lord?  What did I do?  They are fricking everywhere.  What did I do wrong in a past life so that wherever I go in this one, I am deluged by the Kardashians?  These people don’t even do anything except get pictures taken of them doing something else.  Even Paris Hilton has a career.  Kourtney is wearing this, Khloe is wearing that, Kim is divorcing whoever.  I even know their fricking names now!  Please oh heavenly father, tell me what I did.  I’m begging you.  You know, the Kardashians weren’t just inflicted upon me though.  They even corrupted a United States Olympian.  This guy won the Decathlon, had his photos on cereal boxes, was an American icon and now he wants to be a woman.  Poor Bruce.  The Kardashians are evil, and they are here because of something I did.  I’m sorry everyone.  I’m sorry god.  I’m sorry!

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Star Party

I went to a star party last night.  Whats that?  Its a bunch of people hanging around in a parking lot, in the dark, looking at stars.  Its more fun than it sounds.  The organizer had a green laser that he used to point out stars and constellations.  The greatest thing is, the location was on top of a mountain and we could see the Milky Way Galaxy without a telescope.  That was the first time I saw the Milky Way; its generally impossible to see in a populated area as the light pollution drowns it out.  Seeing something so huge it stretches across the entire sky is quite overwhelming.  Knowing it is 100,000 light years across and houses maybe 300 billion stars (most of which probably have planets too) is even more awesome.  Mars and Saturn were clearly noticeable also.  All this stuff in the sky can be located on the iPhone app I use called Sky Guide (http://fifthstarlabs.com/).  Best two dollars I ever spent.  Also that night, we saw the International Space Station fly overhead.  You can know when it goes overhead by going to this NASA site (http://spotthestation.nasa.gov/sightings/).  On the way up the mountain, I stopped to take these photos above the fog that constantly makes San Francisco gray only 10 miles away.  If you click on them, the photos have great detail.

Sunset Near the Top of Mt. Tamalpais 9-27-2014

Sunset Near the Top of Mt. Tamalpais 9-27-2014

View from Mt Tam 8-2-2014

View from Mt Tam 8-2-2014

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Google’s Driver-less Car (my opinion)

Google Car 640x426Google is now in the process of making driver-less cars.  It has been reported that these cars don’t have steering wheels or brakes but they do have a panic button.  Yes, its true.  That makes sense; why would we need an option of steering?  I’m sure nothing could ever malfunction, right?  I’m sure this thing will be the first device in human history to work exactly as planned and never break down in any way.  Yeah.  So…..when something does malfunction and I am careening out of control, with rivers of sweat streaming down my face, I guess Google thinks the best option would be to panic helplessly and press a button instead of doing something to save my own life and keep me from driving into the oncoming traffic or over the cliff.  Does the car also have a black box?  That way, when they recover my body, they can check the recording and hear me screaming and crying.  Then they will look at the data and say, “But look, he properly utilized the panic button.” And of course, it’s probably a button like at crosswalks….you know….they don’t actually do anything.

Maybe Google’s way of fixing car problems will be like their website update process.  They won’t ever talk to anyone.  They will just gather lots of data from the (in the case of the car) panic button black box, and then figure out what alterations to make to the driving algorithms in the future.  For example, if a high percentage of people hit the panic button as their cars are spinning in circles on the wet highway, then that will be something Google looks into fixing first.  If a low percentage of people hit the panic button because, lets guess, that the car might be perpendicular parking itself instead of parallel parking itself, then that malfunction’s fix will be put off until the panic button frequency increases to a higher level.  Of course, not many people will hit the panic button for perpendicular parking, so it could be a long time until that issue is fixed, unless the cars all suddenly decide to randomly perpendicular park on the freeway.  If that happens, I think the panic button will come in very handy as opposed to a steering wheel.

Speaking of one’s demise, I’ll never know about mine, since I won’t even know about any panic button usage issues as I will be sleeping off a drunken night out as the car takes me home.  Can the police arrest you for drunk driving if the car is doing the driving and you are sleeping?  Maybe the law will require you be awake and sober so you can press the panic button.  Actually, I can’t imagine ever NOT napping while the car takes you from place to place.

I also read that there is a spinning device on the roof that is a laser range finder.  This made me wonder, if a bird craps on the laser range finder, do you wake up in Mexico?  I guess that’s the other use for the panic button.  Lastly, I wonder if, being a Google car, the car takes you via the directions that Google Maps gives it?  So it will take the highway that’s 20 miles out of the way, make you drive down the most crowded roads, and wind you through the most dangerous neighborhoods surrounded by drug dealers and gang members while you sleep.  I can’t wait for this new technology.

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Dino Thoughts (not my thoughts, theirs)

newly found dinoI’m into science and as I was watching a TV show about dinosaurs recently, I imagined what it must have really been like to live then. What an existence the dinosaurs had; all day long….eat or be eaten. It made me think, I wonder if dinosaurs ever woke up, took a breath of fresh air and thought, “What a great day! I’m so happy to be alive.” If they did, I bet they were California dinosaurs. The Tyrannosaurus Californicus. A mostly vegetarian dinosaur but they would eat anything who didn’t subscribe to their political viewpoints.  They also had long arms with which to hug trees, and a rainbow emanating from their ass. Actually, the rainbow is a leading theory of mine, along the lines of the known theory of colored feathers on some dinosaurs.  Scientists though have yet to actually discover a fossil with a rainbow emanating from anywhere or an anatomical clue that one could even be produced.

I just read an article stating that some small dinosaurs apparently had tail feathers and may have used them as part of a mating dance. Now, I’m a big advocate of funding Triceratopsscience and more scientific research going on, but I would like to know how those scientists think they discovered that part about the mating dance. Maybe the dinosaurs they found were also wearing tight pants and sequined shirts. Reading this article did made me wonder what other dinosaurs did as a precursor to mating. stegosaurusDid the Tyrannosaurus Rex do a chest bump with his buddies before going to the dino bar to seek a potential mate? Did the Triceratops, the one with 3 big horns on its head, do an acrobatic horn stand to impress the ladies? Did the Stegosaurus, the one with the large, bony fins up and downBrachiosauraus its back, do a fin dance or a fin “wave” while purring like a kitten? That would be cool huh? Did the Brachiosaurus, the huge dinosaurs with the long neck and tail, do a seductive belly dance or neck snake dance?  The Velociraptors were a nasty, aggressive bunch.  Maybe they were into S & M.Velociraptors

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Hey, let’s go to the park!

“Going to the park.” It sounds like such a nice outing: Sunshine, relaxing walks, picnics, back to nature in a clean, safe place.   But living in the city of San Francisco, I have seen the reality of going to the park.  First of all, forget laying out the blanket and having a picnic.  The park grounds are all full of dog crap.  And of course that means the dogs are mostly off leash.  And of course, the dogs are mostly pitbulls.  And of course the dogs are mostly off leash because their owners are rude, inconsiderate assholes….or more correctly the nastiest, angriest neighbors in a 20 mile radius.  But don’t worry, pitbulls are loving creatures ….unless their owners teach them to be angry and nasty….but that hardly ever happens, right?  And of course the other park people are homeless people who live in the park…. who sleep on the park benches that now smell like them.  Think about that; you and your lover sit on that bench and enjoy the view and the day, and then the stuff you sat in adheres to your clothes, which it does, and then you go home and sit on your couch (so some of what was on your clothes is now on your couch) and then, continuing your day of nature, you go to the bedroom and make out on the bed before getting naked and doing in on the covers that are now contaminated with whatever was on the homeless peoples’ clothes….. that they wear every day of their lives…..without washing…..and who crap in the bushes….without paper or washing….and who truly enjoy the park by smoking grass, cause that’s the only pleasure they get from their crappy lives. Hey, let’s go to the park!

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What Valentine’s Day Does To Us

Valentine WindupIt sounds like a heartwarming idea on the surface…a day to express your love.  On Valentine’s Day, I took a walk around the city and watched the activity.  At a flower stand, two guys were talking and laughing about how they were buying their women the same pre-made flower arrangement.  When one of them left, he walked over to a car, where his girlfriend was literally in the divers seat, showed her the flowers, she slightly smiled and they drove off.

Conan O’Brien tweeted on Valentine’s Day what the comic reality is, “A survey found that, on Valentine’s Day, men spend $87.00 more than women. I.e., a survey found that, on Valentine’s Day, men spend $87.00.”

Let’s be honest, if a corporation has to tell you when or how to express your love for someone, then you don’t have love; you are giving a bribe.  What that guy from the first paragraph was telling his girlfriend was essentially, “Here are some flowers as a token of appreciation for letting me touch you and screw you on a regular basis.”  Her response was of course, “Thank you.  You have done your duty.  I don’t view myself as a whore so I won’t exchange any physical affection at this moment but as a reward, instead of looking around for someone else, I will temporarily let this pattern continue…. of course not right now.”

Why is this holiday insidious?  Because it makes people feel like they have to conform to an institution’s suggested rituals to keep the (pseudo) love going?  Because they mindlessly follow their instructions, like sheep?  Because in doing so they lose sight of the reality or existence of true emotions and lose sight of their instincts to recognize if the other person even likes them?  Because both men and women brainwash themselves into thinking that the exchange of gifts for affection is the way it should be?  There’s more.

Take a guess where Valentine’s Day started?  Take a guess.  Believe it or not, while its run by businesses today, it didn’t start there.  What institution on this planet has created another holiday telling people to give gifts in exchange for emotion?  That’s right, the church.  The same people that imposed Christmas on the world which is a holiday that does the same thing.  Christmas, another holiday that has come down to people spending money in exchange for love and friendship.  In a way, this is actually quite comedic since churches scorn prostitution but create these rituals which essentially follow the same patterns.

We try to justify it all by saying that these holidays boost the economy so much, that they actually save the economy and thus our society.  But that justification is the same that a drug addict says to themself about needing more drugs.  What if the holidays didn’t exist?  Then our economy wouldn’t have adjusted to require these large boosts.  The economy would have been more stable and uniform throughout the year, so people would have adjusted to that stable income level and made it work for themselves and their businesses.  The only thing these holidays do are to get a few people and corporations at the top richer and to achieve that added income, essentially act like a drug to the economy.  Consequently, now without that drug fix, the economy has what it feels are problems.

There is hope though.  I ran into a couple talking about how they don’t subscribe to this holiday either.  The woman told her husband, standing next to her, that she didn’t want flowers or anything.  When I told them it was nice to hear, we conversed and she eventually told me that the trick is to find a woman who also doesn’t want gifts in exchange for affection and won’t subscribe to rules dictated by institutions.  This glimmer of hope for us all is that there are still a few people who can think independently and are secure in themselves.

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Quotes 5

Nothing is impossible.  The word itself says “I’m Possible.” – Audrey Hepburn

The best way to get even is to forgive and forget. – Linda Fiorentino

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply – Stephen R Covey

The greatest secret to happiness is one word: Gratitude

We can always count on the Americans to do the right thing, after they have exhausted all the other possibilities ― Winston Churchill

Churches are no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind – Thomas Paine

We’re sugar and spice and everything nice; so bite me. – Roseanne Barr

I do love you but even better, I like you

A day is not complete until you’ve made someone else’s – Jasmin Bristow

Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius

If I die without debt, I was doing something wrong – Tammie Baird

People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.

I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. -Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous? – Calvin

Jackie: So when are you going to talk to mom?  Roseanne: When I can do it with a Ouija board.

If people are making fun of you, then you’re probably doing something right – Amy Lee

Calvin: You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last minute panic

I thank god for tv and movies.  Without them I would have grown up to be exactly like my parents – Jon Marcus

The best things in life come from not playing it safe – Robin Williams in The Crazy Ones

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly – Mae West

A party without cake is just a meeting – Julia Child

Words without actions are empty and meaningless

Karaoke bar; great idea.  Cause so often when I’m listening to Sinatra, I’m thinking, wouldn’t it be great if I could just take Sinatra’s voice out and replace it with the off-key yowling of some drunk? – Becker

Never underestimate the power of denial – American Beauty

Criticize by creating – Michelangelo

It doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. – Lucille Ball

In an ugly and unhappy world, the richest man can purchase nothing but ugliness and unhappiness. – George Bernard Shaw

Chocolate is just like sex, I’ve had too much and I still want more – Linda on Becker

Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. Love what you do. Get good at it. And let the chips fall where they may. – Jon Stewart

Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is usually physics – Sophia Nasr

The music is not in the notes, but in the silence in between – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

After two divorces I don’t know if I have another relationship in me.  The daily crap, the compliments, all the garbage you have to remember: Birthdays, the color of her eyes, what she does for a living. – Becker

We Are Living On This Planet As If We Had Another One To Go To – Jen Mehrnoush Zomederis

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing – Aristotle

Don’t judge yourself by your past. You don’t live there anymore – Leah Remini

Morning sex, the best thing in the world that doesn’t have cheese on it – Doug Heffernan, The King of Queens

Science is simply the word we use to describe a method of organizing our curiosity – Tim Minchin

Quiet people have the loudest minds — Stephen Hawking

You’ve lost sight of the purpose of the law; to protect it’s citizens, not persecute them – Commander Adama to special prosecutor – Battlestar Galactica, S1E8 Litmus

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood” – Oscar Wilde

You sold out a long ago.  You are no different than that movie star who let everyone look up her skirt in that film and then did nothing but complain that nobody took her seriously as an actress.  Have you seen that movie?  Maris and I rented the video.  I don’t mind telling you we pushed our beds together that night…and that was no mean feat; her room as you know is across the hall. – Niles Crane

The object isn’t to make art, it’s to be in that wonderful state which makes art inevitable – Robert Henri

 

 

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